hidup terpola

ah i miss my old days, when the earth was a thin sheet with no end.
waktu hidup masih ga jelas, ga berbentuk, dan tak beraturan, hidup terpola dan tau tujuannya tampaknya membuat saya gampang marah.

s e r i u s !

i always talk to myself about forgive – forgiveness – forgiving
.
while in fact
.
maybe, just maybe i still feel like

.
i wanna crush somebody’s life and existence in such a way
and enjoy watching them live in agony

memangnya?

memangnya kalau orang itu hidupnya tidak benar, maka keseluruhan orang itu juga tidak baik?
memangnya kalau orang itu menyebalkan di satu bidang kehidupan, maka dia bukan orang yang baik?
memangnya kalau orang itu berada di jalur yang salah, maka dia harus dijauhi?

memangnya siapa kita berani-beraninya men-judge orang serendah itu?
memangnya siapa kita berani-beraninya menganggap nilai seorang manusia hanya dari apa yang bisa dilihat mata kita?
bukankah nilai seorang manusia jauh lebih besar dari apa yang bisa kita lihat?
bukankah kita juga tidak tahu perihal hati setiap orang lain?
lalu kenapa kita harus sepicik itu menilai sesama manusia?

memangnya kalau orang yang kita sayangi menganut sebuah nilai tertentu dan membenci yang lainnya, kita juga harus melakukan hal yang sama?

untuk apa? supaya apa? kenapa?

why dear?

why do you want to fix me dear?
as if i’m a broken soul
.
why do you want to save me dear?
as if i’m lost and i need help
.
that makes me sad,
to sense that you think i’m not all right,
that makes me feel like i’m an outcast
.
why don’t you want to walk beside me dear,
be there and love me,
teach me great things,
and make me feel welcomed,
and maybe i’ll find my own way back home,
without feeling being pitied by you

honeybee

honeybee honeybee,
would you please excuse me,
for i have to go and be on a journey,
but we haven’t reach the chapter’s end,
so honeybee ’till we meet again,
i send my love for you through these wind pass this train.

this infatuation should end before it turns into something else. I’m heartbroke before i could feel the love.

LOVE can actually

I had quite a long conversation today – not a very likely to be called a conversation really for i was just sitting and listen what she have to say. She told me things about marriage and the complexity of ‘in law’ relationship. Seriously, she said MANY things, which still gives me the headache for hearing things i don’t actualy care, but hey, her ’story’ gives me a glint element of shock. I just can’t stop wonder up till now, how LOVE CAN ACTUALY MAKES PEOPLE STUPID, That exact idea i already thought of, but tonight i just had myself convinced. Ah poor soul.. Being deceived by the illusion of chemical reaction they call love, to fulfill a sole purpose of breeding.

the way i live

i live my life by pretty much taking off what i have

silly

its stupid how this silly sentimentality mixed me and makes me hate and try to evade certain places and smell. silly silly silly

sssshhhh …

“i miss my friends”
sshhh,
you have no friends
. . .
“but i swear i have friends”
sshhh,
there’s nobody
. . .
“but i remember them”
sshhh,
they’re just your imagination
. . .
“but i need one, right?”
sshhh,
you have yourself, you need no one else
. . .
“but i feel lonely”
sshhh,
it’s just silence
sounds pretty right?
. . .
“i guess ….. “